


you may never know my devotion

by Tsubame_go



Category: NU'EST
Genre: 2hyunweek, Infatuation, M/M, Online Friends, Pining, a hint of jron, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 09:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16156619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsubame_go/pseuds/Tsubame_go
Summary: Minhyun spends a little too much time talking to his online friend





	you may never know my devotion

**Author's Note:**

> This is for day 1 of 2hyun week, I know it's late... BUT IT'S OCTOBER FIRST IN MY TIMEZONE... so it's kind of on time... I guess...
> 
> title taken from yuki kajiura's Vanity

_I love you_

Minhyun stared at the words he had just typed. It didn’t look right, he quickly deleted them.

_I’m in love with you_

That felt too forward somehow, so Minhyun deleted it again.

_I like you_

Too superficial.

_I think I might be in love with you_

Not right.

_I’ve definitely never felt this way about anyone before, I think it means I’m in love with yo-_

Too dramatic.

_This is gonna be really weird but I’m in love with you_

Minhyun’s mouse ghosted over the send button for a moment before he moved it off quickly and closed the tab, deleting his drafted message. It wasn’t like he didn’t have about a million similar drafts saved in his google docs. But who was he kidding, confessing to his online friend who he had never met in real life was a _very bad idea_.

 

*

 

He had met MayoMan68, who he later learned was actually named Jonghyun, playing a dumb MMO game that had fallen out of popularity years ago. Making friends on a game he hadn’t played since he was thirteen wasn’t something he had imagined would happen, but once he remembered the password to his old, reasonably high leveled account, he soon found that lots of people wanted to talk to him if only to get his help with defeating bosses. Most of them never messaged him again, or rather, all of them except for MayoMan. Minhyun had been surprised when he found a private message notification when he logged in.

**9:24**

**MayoMan68: hey optimuush**

**MayoMan68: wanna kill the elf boss?**

**12:07**

**Optimuush: Okay**

**Optimuush: wait are u still online**

**12:20**

**MayoMan68: am now**

**MayoMan68: lets go**

From then on they had met each other online regularly. Bits of their lives outside the game ended up in the chat. Minhyun learned that Jonghyun was a student when he said he wouldn’t be online one weekend because he had to study for finals. Minhyun learned that his username came from his love of eating mayonnaise on bread when he asked Minhyun to wait until he finished his snack to go into the boss’ lair. Eventually, Minhyun got the courage to ask Jonghyun for his Kakao so they could talk about when they were going to game without actually logging on. From there they had gradually shared other social media accounts, and Minhyun had learned that MayoMan68’s real name was Jonghyun. He working towards a master’s degree in animal behavior, originally from Gangneung but going to school in Seoul, and the same age as Minhyun.

Minhyun had found himself pouring through Jonghyun’s Instagram, scrolling to the bottom and looking through every picture. Even when he didn’t feel like gaming, he found himself trying to find excuses to talk to Jonghyun.  He asked about Jonghyun’s classes, wished him luck when he said he had an exam, congratulated him when he worked hard for something and it came through. It went far beyond the confines of their original friendship built on online gaming. Maybe he was just desperately looking for an escape from his boring office job, but soon he was waking up and going to sleep with Jonghyun as the first and last thing on his mind. Before Minhyun realized it, it had become an obsession.

 

*

 

“What’re you looking at?” Minhyun hastily closed Kakao as Seongwoo looked over his shoulder.

“Just talking to a friend.” Minhyun answered quickly.

“Who?” Seongwoo inquired, ever nosy.

“You don’t know them.”

“If I don’t know them how’d you meet?” Seongwoo pried. “You aren’t exactly a social butterfly.”

“Online.” Minhyun didn’t like the glint that appeared in Seongwoo’s eyes at his answer.

“Like, on a dating site?” Seongwoo asked slyly.

“N-no!” Minhyun denied a little too quickly.

“It’s okay, I understand if you aren’t ready to introduce me to this new love yet.” Seongwoo slapped him on the back.

“Seongwoo it isn’t like that we’re not-”

“I won’t pry!” Seongwoo said, ignoring him. “I’m just glad you’re getting back out there! From what you say you practically live under a rock!”

Seongwoo was one of the few of Minhyun’s college friends that had also ended up in Busan. One of the few he still tried to hang out with regularly. Although now that they didn’t live on the same campus, ‘regularly’ ended up being closer to monthly than weekly, but such was adult life. Minhyun’s friends were scattered about the country and everyone was too busy with their jobs to make time to maintain close ties. Maybe that was another reason he was becoming so obsessed with Jonghyun, through the internet it was almost easy to find time to talk every day.

Still, Seongwoo’s words stuck with him. Minhyun began to wonder if he did feel anything for Jonghyun. Jonghyun had become the center of his world, wasn’t that what love was supposed to be like? But Minhyun had had boyfriends and girlfriends before and none of them had made him feel like this. Looking back however, most of his past relationships hadn’t been deep- he had never dated anyone for more than a couple months, never told anyone he loved them. Maybe the love that had been so elusive in his past relationships was what he felt for Jonghyun.

 

**Kim Jonghyun: I met his dog today**

***OPEN ATTACTMENT***

**Hwang Minhyun: It’s cute**

**Kim Jonghyun: So is he**

**Kim Jonghyun: And he dotes on the dog**

**Kim Jonghyun: I didn’t know whether to be jealous of the dog or him**

**Kim Jonghyun: I want them both**

**Hwang Minhyun: haha**

Now aware of what his feelings for Jonghyun might be, Minhyun began to get jealous. Whenever Jonghyun said he was going to go out with friends, he found himself envious of the people who got to see Jonghyun without the boundary of cyberspace between them.  Worse was when Jonghyun mentioned passing crushes on his classmates. Minhyun gritted his teeth and told him that he hoped that Jonghyun would get to know the boy who had caught his eye and that they would be happy together. When Jonghyun gushed about how cute his crush’s dog was and show him a picture he agreed that it was adorable.  Inside he screamed that _he_ wanted to be the one who made Jonghyun happy. Jonghyun, who he had never actually met in real life. He knew it was hopeless.

Then there was the fact that Jonghyun only lived in a different city, not on the other side of the world, not in another country. Minhyun found himself hoping and praying that some obligation or chance would bring him to Seoul, but nothing happened. His work never required him to go on trips. All his family was in Busan.

Still, his feelings only seemed to grow. He stalked through the same photos on Jonghyun’s social media over and over again, now looking at the photos of people who liked and commented on Jonghyun’s videos too. Then he stumbled upon a video from someone called Choi Minki, who appeared to be Jonghyun’s roommate and heard Jonghyun’s voice for the first time. In the video, Jonghyun only said one short sentence as Minki fooled around with a blanket behind him; _“Go to bed, Minki.”_ Minhyun replayed it and listened to it over and over again.  Jonghyun’s voice wasn’t anything like he had imagined, although in truth he didn’t know what he had been expecting. Maybe he was expecting it to be less deep, but maybe the deepness only came from him being exasperated with his roommate?.  He wished he could hear Jonghyun say other sentences. He wondered what his name would sound like coming from Jonghyun’s lips.

He began to fantasize about what it would be like to talk with Jonghyun face to face. What it would be like to hold his hand. To kiss him. Then he began conjuring up elaborate alternate realities in his mind where he and Jonghyun would meet and their mutual attraction would lead to a relationship despite how far apart the lived; he imagined taking turns visiting each other on the weekends, taking leave from work whenever Jonghyun had an extended break from school… He had to pull himself back from diving too far into that fantasy.

 

*

_I’m in love with you_

Soon, it had gone too far. Minhyun knew for his own sake he should try to forget Jonghyun or confess and see if it lead to anything. He typed and deleted countless messages, in the end not having the courage to send any of them. He was afraid, he realized. What were the odds that Jonghyun would want anything to do with him once he realized the depths of Minhyun’s feelings. Or was is Minhyun’s obsession?

He decided that rather than confessing to Jonghyun through the internet, he should meet Jonghyun in person. He bought a train ticket to Seoul. He messaged Jonghyun saying he was going to be in Seoul and asked if he wanted to meet. Jonghyun said yes. Jonghyun didn’t know that if he had said no Minhyun would have returned the ticket. Jonghyun didn’t know that Minhyun wasn’t just ‘going to be in Seoul’, he was coming to Seoul for the sole purpose of meeting him.

He found a cheap hotel and arranged to meet Jonghyun on the second day. He was afraid that the words might fail him in the face of Jonghyun in the flesh, so he stopped at a flower shop and bought a bouquet of roses. Now he would have to spit it out. Jonghyun would ask about the flowers if he didn’t. Minhyun took a deep breath as he walked in the door of the café Jonghyun had told him to meet him in. He glanced around the room before spotting a skinny boy on his laptop in the corner of the café. Minhyun closed his eyes and exhaled before walking over. Jonghyun looked up when he set the bouquet down in front of him on the table. Despite how well he knew those eyes from photos, in person they were disarming.

“I’m in love with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I could've done more for 2hyunweek but I am literally moving overseas tomorrow so ... odds are this'll be it for me :/
> 
> Find me on Tumblr:  
> https://nyoungpeach.tumblr.com/
> 
> Twitter:  
> https://twitter.com/jjr_hyun
> 
> And Curious Cat:  
> https://curiouscat.me/tsubame_gof


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